This One is Worth It

Checked out the Little Miss Sunshine program tonight. Because we bought tickets ahead of time off the world wide interweb the total cost for 3 came to $35.25. No junior mints in sight. Really packs a punch.

Good news is you can trust this one. Lots of laughs, good characters and a neat soundtrack all wrapped up in a tight story line. See it and let me know what you think.

If it's War They Want...

Quick update on the whole pigeon crap situation from last week. On Friday I went back to the same public space (no grass = no park in my book) to eat lunch. This time, midway through my main course one of those filthy summer fuzzy caterpillars HALO jumped onto my brown paper sack. The thing seriously came from like 20 feet above and missed denting my head by 6 inches. When it hit, the bag flipped off the bench onto the ground next to me. Just the thought of the offending creature crawling around the rest of my lunch made me want to peel back my thumb nails. I bent over to pick up the bag in order to dispose of it. At that instant, a passing pigeon let loose with another shit bomb. It splattered right next to my outstreched hand. I took the hint and got the heck out of there. I feel like I'm in a Steven King short story. Nature. She is a fickle mistress, don't trust her.

These Times are a Changin'

Recently I came in contact with something that changed my life. It was a show on Discovery Channel called Modern Marvels. The entire hour long program was dedicated to the resort projects being built in Dubai, UAE. Apparently the prince there has so much money (from oil and shipping ports) they've started making up ways to spend it. These 'ways' include constructing islands in the Persian Gulf and populating them with ridiculously opulent resorts. The islands are all designer shapes over 5 miles long. Enough talk, check it out:


This is one currently being built. The middle ring of is actually formed in the shape of an arabic poem written by the prince.


Another under development; Oh it's only a map of the entire world formed through a series of islands. You can buy an island (say Kansas) at a price ranging from $6-$36 million dollars.


Here's the proposed Business Bay located in Dubai.


The tower in the picture above is shown in a scaled drawing comparing it to other colossal buildings around the globe. The Sear's Tower is 4th across.


My plan is to somehow be invited to work over there for a few months so I can spend the time seeing all of this for myself. So if anyone has any contacts in Dubai or just feels really strongly about me leaving this country and settling half way around the world, please let me know how you can help. And if some of you out there don't believe I'm serious about this... See what else they have going on. In the desert.

Just One Fix...

I'm here to get you to the weekend.

Quick story about the working world. I've been moved down to the basement or as it is affectionately known (not by me) the dungeon. Think Milton Waddams.

When lunch hour came around I needed to get out and breathe a little. See the sun, swim through the 99 and 1/2 percent humidity. I decided to put myself down in a nearby urban park (no grass) and have at my brown bag. All of a sudden the guy next to me decides to play Brooks and start feeding the pigeons. All you need to know about pigeons is; I think they are essentially rats with wings. Well of course about 40 of the filthy things start swarming me and him. Meanwhile I'm getting so turned off my turkey sandwich is starting to sour. I shoot the guy a dirty, "knock that crap off" look. He proceeds to throw another handful of Lays on the ground. He was a lot bigger than me, so I let it go. As the chips hit the ground a couple particularly nasty ones come from the trees behind us and as one is flying over it drops a load on my turkey sandwich. WHAT THE F-!? I wanted to smash everyone one of them into paste. And for those of you who say, it's only a little bird poop, relax it won't kill you. Well, bird shit is toxic, so it will kill me. I ate the sandwich anyway to prove a point.

This is amazing. Don't Hassle the Hoff. It's nice to see someone else who enjoys a good play on last names. From Ex-Roommate Paul.



You may not understand it, but watch till the end because unbelievably that is when it gets really weird.



Eugene Mirman. Not my favorite, but this is pretty d hilarious.

It's a Bird, It's a Pain (in the heart)

Having a website can be a dual-edged sword. On one hand the fortune and glory is great. Let's face it, I am slowly becoming an underground sensation in these parts. And I'm talking big fish in no small pond. The cursed flip side can be tough. Like so many reality shows, am I devolving into a mirror of a caricature of myself? Can I keep it real with the pressure of living and reporting on a such a fabulous life to you, my adoring fans? Plus it becomes pretty easy to embarass those around me because I refuse to hold back. With me, the story always comes first.

Having said all that, a particular challenge comes when you talk about people close to you. Intimates, if you will. Family and friends are part of that equation, but things get more complicated when you involve significant others.

All of this is a round about way of announcing I went and saw Superman Returns. Well sort of. The funniest part of the movie came beforehand. Both new roommates, Jeff and Chris, along with myself and Alison decided to take in the 3:30 Imax matinee. We arrived to find the amc totally filled and our showing sold out. Wha-wha. As we are at the automated ticket atm dealio (genius invention by the way, I don't miss dealing with the movie thugs behind the bullet proof glass one bit), there is a scene going down behind us. Seems that a young girl has suffered a mini medical emergency (insert your own joke about nausea and the trailer for Jon Tucker Must Die). There are a couple paramedics and her parents surrounding her. They are checking reflexes, taking a pulse and trying to calm her down. As we watch, they put her on a stretcher, buckle her in and proceed to wheel her out to a waiting ambulance. The emergency door was right next to where we are standing, taking this all in. A paramedic actually asks us to move back so the stretcher could get by. As the procession goes by (to take a young girl to an ambulance), Alison takes the opportunity to yell, "Hey, maybe they had tickets to the 3:30 show. I think 3 seats just opened up." Which earned laughs from us and dirty looks from the parents.

As for the movie... Overall pretty good. Too long at 2 hours 2o minutes, but I couldn't tell you any specific parts that could be cut. Brando being in it was cool, but seeing Parker Posey play a ditz didn't feel right. Getting a guy that looked just like Christopher Reeve was solid, the fact that his acting was almost as bad was not. Watch it on a wide screen plasma and you'll be happy.

Editor's note: This was the first movie that takes place in New York that I've watched while living in New York. Lots of Manhattan overhead shots. I finally felt like a winner.

Speaking of winners. Here's a camera pic of the cutest girl I know wearing a hat that represents nothing but winners. She's on board and so should you be.

It's Springtime for Litter

Let us say you are almost singularly responsible for the death of millions and millions of people through a systematic extermination program and then you die. What happens to you? What kind of punishment does karma hand out? I think this guy has quite a bit more to go but this could be a start.

He's Coming

I'm Drawing the Line

I know I've been a little lax in my postings lately. We are moving into the new place on Saturday and I will have a little more free time after that. So you have that going for you.

In the meantime, I will say this; I know that I'm getting older and my social (marital) development probably is lagging significantly behind my peers, BUT if I hear one more married guy refer to trying to have a kid as pulling the goalie, I will scream. Full on Linda Blair projectile vomit all over you, your wife and whatever zygotian mess you have down there. I get it, a kid. Enough.

Kids on the Beat

Wow. This one doesn't even need explanation or discussion. The following is a quote from Vladimir Putin after his strange interaction with a young Russian boy this past week.

I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act.

This was Putin's explanation for lifting up the shirt of a 5 year-old boy and kissing him on the stomach. Now, I really don't believe the man is a pedophile. I think the job of Russian President is enough to push most of us off the edge of appropriate behavior (remember Yeltsin and his 43 martini lunch) but I think this North Korea missile crisis could push him into a BDSM themed wedding to Larry Wachowski.

This is the Law

It's time for your weekly update on what is going on in the lives of Dustin Diamond (a.k.a Screech from Saved by the Bell) and Rob Schneider (I guess most known for the Richmeister or, gulp, Deuce Bigalow). Seems Dustin wants you to donate money to him in his time of need, notice the longwinded plee for how his money situation just isn't his fault. Good ol' Rob had a brush with death after eating some bad fish while directing his new movie on location at a women's prison (sounds like a classic). It's a harsh world when these 2 D-listers have to struggle.

http://www.getdshirts.com/

and

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/30/people.schneider.ap/index.html